Around Dodge City and in the territory on West, there is just one way to handle the killers and the spoilers, and that's with the U.S. Marshal and the smell of gun smoke.
Gun Smoke, starring William Conrad, the story of the violence that moved West with Young America, and the story of a man who moved with it.
I'm that man, Matt Dillon, United States Marshal, the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It's a chancey job, and it makes a man watchful and a little lonely.
Hey, you're a stranger in Dodge, Marshal.
I've only been gone a week, Sam. You got any rye left?
Kitty over there has got the last bottle, Marshal.
I'll have some tomorrow, huh, when the Santa Fe gets in.
Good. Meanwhile, I'll see if I can talk Kitty out of a drink.
Sure.
Oh, I heard you were back, Matt. How are you?
You were saving that bottle for me, Kitty.
You know I never drink rye.
Thanks.
Well, here's to you.
Thank you.
Ah, looks as close as I've been to civilization in a week.
Did you find what you're after?
Yeah, I found him, all right.
Say, what's that stuff you're drinking?
Oh, this?
Yeah.
I keep the bottle on the floor.
Looks better.
Let me see it.
Professor Bone's wonder medicine?
Celebrated vegetable pulmonic detergent.
Yeah.
Well, I hope it tastes better than it reads.
Oh, it tastes fine, Matt. Makes you feel fine, too.
Essential oil of worm seed, the new and valuable curative.
Professor Bone, Ph.D. in pulmist,
Professor of practical and medical botany,
natural and civil history.
Oh, a lot of that, that makes sense.
Kitty, where in the world did you get hold of this?
Everybody's taking his math.
Oh, I forgot you were away when Professor Bone arrived.
What, he arrived? You mean he's here to dodge?
For sure. He came last Thursday.
He's got a fancy wagon he left us from every day.
This time, as a matter of fact, you should hear him, Matt.
He's great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he must be.
No, no, he really is.
What's in that tonic, Kitty?
You're kind of misty already, aren't you?
Oh, it makes you feel great, Matt.
Try some. Here you go.
No, no, no, thanks. I don't need any worm seed oil.
Liquor does me all the harm I need.
You'll buy some once you've heard him talk.
He's awful smart, Matt.
Yeah, well, he must be. He's a professor.
Oh, I don't care if he's a professor or not.
He makes wonderful tonic.
Yeah, I can see that he does.
Matt? Yes, Matt?
I'm glad you're back. You come with me.
How about Doug? Sit down.
No, you come with me outside.
I want you to see this spectacle.
What are you talking about?
This red-nosed old scarecrow, Luke Bone.
He ought to be a tartan fellow, that's what.
Oh, now, God.
Look, right there, there's a bottle of it.
Kitty.
Is that yours?
Well, it's good, Doug. It's real good.
I'm going to smash this in the street.
And if I find you drinking any more of this, I'll...
I'll paddle you. That's what I'll do.
Really?
You see? You see what it does to people?
Come on, come on, Matt.
I don't care, Doug. I might as well find out what this is all about.
You will excuse us, won't you, Kitty?
You, not Doug.
I mean what I said, Kitty.
Come on, let's go.
Kitty, let me back.
There's his wagon.
And look at that crowd of fools.
What's so wrong with that, Doug?
I'll tell you later.
First, I want you to hear him talk.
The man's demisive, that's what.
And he's dangerous, Matt.
He's deadly dangerous.
You there, boy.
Sit up now.
Rooks fry.
You step lively.
This is your great-grandpa.
And then some.
My name?
Oh, I've been called Johnny Reb.
And I've been called Billy Yank.
I'm a soldier.
Civil War.
What you want to know about soldiering?
I'm a soldier.
What you want to know about soldiering?
March?
Oh, we did it aplenty.
Both heavy march in order and light march in order.
See,
light march in order meant we was to march only
with musket, ammunition,
haversack, and canteen.
And be ready for working or for fighting.
Well, that was nothing.
It was the heavy march in order we didn't like.
Oh, that meant carrying everything you owned on a long march
to the next field of battle or else a new camp.
There was never enough water.
And sometimes we wouldn't have us nothing to eat for a whole day.
And us in our heavy woolens carrying 50 or 60 pounds on our backs
trudging down dusty roads in the summer
and muddy ones in the winter.
Still, it was something to see.
First, there'd be the adjutant,
then the scouts,
then the band and drum corps,
then the colonel and the lieutenant colonel,
then the two surgeons,
and the hospital knapsack carrier.
Heh. Yeah.
We was quite a sight, I tell you.
Even though some of us didn't have shoes
and straggled a bit sometimes.
Now, now you, boy,
you got shoes special built to last.
And if you watch yourself,
blame that they don't help protect your feet from frostbite
and things like that.
But what's real important,
lots of times you got trucks to carry your gear.
And you too.
For which you can thank your lucky stars and stripes
for which you can thank your lucky stars and stripes.
Oh, believe you me, son.
It takes more than just men and guns
and generals to make you an army.
It takes knowing somebody's thinking
about your darned old feet
and your aching back.
Like that good transportation corps you've got.
Danged if it don't.
There he is, man. See?
Right down there where the crowd is.
He's standing in the back of his wagon.
You see?
He's finished entertaining them now.
We're just in time for the serious part.
So come on, hurry along now.
Come on.
While serving his personal surgeon
to the King of Santo del Rio.
Oh, that killer, that liar.
Just take it easy, Doc. Let's listen.
The king's wonder medicine has cured
more than 3,000 cases of ague,
2,500 of chronic inflammatory rheumatism,
2,000 of green sickness,
1,000 of mercurial disease,
1,500 of liver infections,
and 6,000 of general division.
He ought to be hung.
It purifies, cleanses,
and strengthens the fountains springs of life.
And infuses new vigor
throughout the entire body.
In fact, my friends,
Professor Bones' wonder medicine
will cure all disorders
incident to the human race.
Without exception,
no matter what the age, circumstance,
or place of residence of the afflicted patient.
Hey, Professor,
I live over near Stinking Springs.
Will it cure me?
You are truncated.
Quite a day ever since I was weaned, Professor.
I pity you, my friend.
Professor, when I was 12,
I got drunk and went to sleep
in a hackberry tree.
I never did find out how I got down.
Oh, don't laugh.
Ladies and gentlemen, don't laugh.
Pity the poor man, the poor wretch.
Whiskey has him crushed
in his foul trap.
His eyes roomy,
his brains awash,
his manhood's gone.
Whiskey, I tell you,
whiskey did it.
If you don't stop me, I'll put a bullet in you, Professor.
Evil man,
drunken specter.
I'm telling you, no more.
No, no more.
Ladies and gentlemen,
about to appear on the wagon beside me
is a man you all know
and respect.
One of your finest and most worthy citizens.
A man whose very
presence contributes mightily
to the progress of your fair town.
A man whose soul is
pure, but whose body
ah, whose body
has been the host of five separate
diseases, any one of which
would soon have been fatal.
But now he is saved.
Three bottles of Professor Bones
wonder medicine has done it.
And here he is, to tell you
of this miraculous cure
in his own words.
Step forward, sir, and speak.
Speak for the sake of your
fellow man.
It ain't Heaven's magic, it's
Chester.
Hey, Chester.
Oh,
ho, Mr. John.
Get down off there.
But my, my,
young man, you've got to talk to the people.
Who are you, sir?
What are you doing? Now you come back here.
Go on with your lecture, Professor, never mind about him.
Hey, Professor.
Let's talk for your cure,
I think.
My friend, every disorder
known to medical faculty.
Well, my old man,
he's 80, and he's got a bean
stuck in his throat.
Now shut up all of you,
too.
Professor, how about that?
I'll come to see your father, sir.
I'll visit him as soon as I'm able to pass a few
bottles down among the good people
gathered here.
Oh, Mr. John, doc.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Oh,
I suppose he's got you
all doped up for that stuff, too, Chester.
Oh, it makes you feel great, doc.
Is that why you were up there?
Well, no, sir.
I got a deal with the Professor from a spare time.
See, Mr. Dillon, he
pays me a dollar a day and gives
me all the medicine I can drink free.
Oh, it's idiots like you that make it
possible for such crockery, Chester.
No, now, doc, I'm not no idiot.
Well, you're strictly been acting like one.
That's important. Matt, I've analyzed
some of Bone's so-called medicine.
It's got opium in it,
for one thing. Oh, you think it's dangerous, doc?
Of course it is. People can get in the habit.
And what's worth of something is wrong
with them, and they're taking that stuff, they wouldn't
find it out until it's too late.
You've got to stop this business, Matt.
Yeah, I suppose you're right, doc. Either you stop him or by
heaven I'll shoot him. I'm serious,
Matt. All right, doc, I'll talk to him a little later.
In the meantime, you
stay away from him, Chester.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Donner.
I didn't know.
...
And to what do I owe this honor, sir?
Well, it isn't exactly an honor, Professor.
I want you to stop putting opium in that stuff that you're selling.
Come now, Marshal, surely you don't believe...
Doc Adams has analyzed it, Professor, and either you make it harmless or I'm going to run you out of dodge.
Yes, sir. I believe you will.
Now, you're free to sell it and you're free to do all the talking you want, but that's all.
I'm a lonely old man, Marshal, and I'm tired of wandering. I'll do what you say.
Good. I hope you don't get yourself into trouble with that preaching about liquor.
I've been fighting against drink ever since I was a youth.
What about opium? Isn't that just as bad as...
Not enough of my medicine to do any harm, Marshal?
It may be. But why are you so strong about whiskey?
Well, Marshal, when I was a child of twelve, my grandfather got drunk and threw a pet owl onto a horse that was standing nearby.
What?
He did. And it frightened the horse into kicking an orphan boy.
Broke the rim of his belly. That boy died, Marshal.
Ah, now I see.
Professor Bones?
Ah, Mr. Reeves. Welcome, sir. And how is your good father?
Marshal, I'm glad you're here.
Now, what's the trouble?
Well, let's say a professor's a trouble, and I'll tell you.
Now, my old man, he had a bean stuck in his throat, and the professor, he told me, give him a steam bath and then throw cold water on him.
And I was doing it.
Oh, what for?
Well, so as he'd catch a cold and cough and bring up the bean.
No, of all things.
But it didn't work, Mr. Reeves?
Well, it killed him. My old man is dead.
Dead? Good heavens.
And I'm going to kill you for it, Professor.
No, you won't, Reeves.
Well, no man can die of a mere cold, Mr. Reeves. Something must have gone wrong.
Oh, something went wrong, all right.
Come on, we'll get dark and go see what this is all about. And you get the idea of shooting anybody out of your head, Reeves.
Maybe I will.
Another visit with Joe and Daphne Forsythe.
Joe?
Yeah, Daphne?
Look at this story about savings bonds in the paper.
Yeah, what about it?
Do you think that's the best way to tell people about savings bonds?
Why not? Look, see, it says here that savings bonds are a guaranteed investment.
Right now, they pay off at the rate of four bucks at maturity for every three bucks invested.
Uh-uh.
You're not convinced?
Mm-mm.
Why not?
No salesmanship.
No salesmanship? What more do you need to know?
Well, right now, more than eight million Americans are buying savings bonds regularly through the payroll savings plan.
So?
So what?
That's what I say, so what?
Now look, Daphne, if millions of Americans are convinced that savings bonds are their best investment, not only financially, but for the future of their country, what the heck is bothering you?
Well, I think they could sell a lot more with salesmanship. You know, slogans and jingles.
Listen, if you're spending more and saving less, try a savings bond.
Oh, boy.
Or maybe a savings bond pay good, like an investment should.
Daphne.
You get a lot to like in a savings bond. Interest earnings guaranteed.
Wow.
Well, did I sell you?
Yeah, but I forgot what it was you were selling.
Savings bond.
I'll take a hundred.
Oh, Joe.
Professor Bone wasn't a normal everyday type of citizen, but he wasn't a murderer either.
And whatever had gone wrong and killed Reeves' father couldn't be blamed entirely on him.
The way I looked at it, Reeves was a fool to follow his advice in the first place.
Now we found the old man still lying in the steam bath that Reeves had made.
All he'd done was to dig a big hole in the ground with a fire pit in the middle and then stretch some canvas across the top for a roof.
Doc climbed down into it. After a few minutes, he came back out again.
Well, Reeves, all I can figure is your father died of a heart attack.
Well, I don't believe that, Doc. You were strong as a bull, that old man.
I know, but I don't think there's nothing else it could have cost him.
How long did you have him in there, Reeves?
Oh, maybe a half hour, Marshal. He was just having a fine time when I left him.
He poured a whole bottle of vinegar on them rocks and I just went up to the house to get him some more.
Vinegar?
Well, sure. Professor here says it helped make him sweat.
Wait a minute.
What's wrong?
It's the vinegar that killed him, Reeves.
But how do you mean?
That's limestone you used in there.
Well, sure, limestone.
All right. Now you put vinegar on hot limestone and it'll make carbonic acid gas.
And that's what suffocated your old man.
Well, I didn't tell you to use limestone, Mr. Reeves. You can't blame me for that.
No. But the vinegar was your idea, Professor. I still say you murdered him.
Now, wait a minute, Reeves. You're not being sensible. This thing was an accident, that's all.
I am not a murderer. I never hurt anybody in my life.
You don't even know what you do, you old buzzard. Selling that slop of yours loaded with narcotics.
Did you tell him to stop that mask?
Yes, he said he would.
My medicine is as pure as the dew, General.
Pure as dew. I'm going to analyze it every day you're here and I hope that that won't be much longer.
I'm a lonely old man, sir. And the only home I have is my wagon.
Well, then go live in it, but somewhere else. You've caused enough trouble around here.
But am I to be banished from the face of the earth? Am I not a man like any other man?
Do you think I have no heart, no feelings, no soul?
Oh, why don't you shut up and get out of here, Professor?
I want to bury my daddy.
I would gladly help you in that task, Mr. Reeves.
Oh, no. No, sir, not you, not by alongside.
You are unkind, sir.
Gentlemen, I take my leave of you. Good day.
For some reason, the three of us stood there in silence and watched Professor Bone walk away.
He stopped once and glanced back at us for a moment, then he went on.
Later, when we got back to Front Street, his wagon was gone and we figured that probably that was the last we'd ever see of him.
Dodge was fairly quiet that night, and when somebody reported seeing a fire of some kind out on the prairie, I decided I might as well ride out and have a look.
There's no flames left, Mr. Dillon. It must be all burnt out.
I don't remember a house of any kind around here, and wonder what it was.
Maybe just a prairie fire that didn't really get started.
There's something, Chester, over there, see?
Yes, sir, I can see a few coals.
Quite the wagon, Mr. Dillon. All burnt out.
It's Professor Bone's wagon, Chester.
My, God, you're right.
And that's his horse, too.
Professor? Professor Bone?
Come on, let's take a look.
Where in the world do you reckon he could be, Mr. Dillon?
I don't know, Chester.
Look out now, I'm going to try to move something.
Oh, my. You think that's the Professor?
Yeah, I'm afraid so, Chester.
Poor old fellow. He must have been asleep when his wagon caught fire.
Yeah, maybe.
Funny thing, he couldn't get out, though, unless he was drunk or something.
Professor Bone didn't drink, Chester.
That's right, I forgot. He sure didn't.
You think maybe somebody did this on purpose, Mr. Dillon?
Yeah, they had two or three men pretty mad at him.
Maybe it was Indians.
No, not this close to Dutch.
No, I guess not.
I don't know, Chester.
A lot of things can happen to people who get too lonely.
Now, come on, let's get out of here.
We'll take care of him in the morning.
Is he dead?
It wasn't until one point, Mr. T pensioner disappeared into thin air.
Gunsmoke.
Produced and directed by Norman McDonald, stars William Conrad as Matt Dillon, U.S.
Marshal.
The music was composed and conducted by Rex Corey.
Sound patterns were composed by Ray Kemper and Bill James.
Featured in the cast were Parley Bear as Chester, Howard McNear as Doc, and Georgia Ellis as
Giddy.
George Walsh speaking.
Join us again next week for another story of the Western frontier of America in the
1870s on Gunsmoke.
This is the United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service.